Don't get so caught up in the methodology of sex that you forget to look after yourself.
Sex is for enjoyment, yes. But to ensure the greatest possible enjoyment, we mustn't only focus on learning the best techniques for pleasure. We must also pay attention to decreasing anxiety about sexual activity, and preventing unwanted consequences. Research (and commonsense) shows that when people feel safer about an activity, and minimise their risks, they feel a greater excitement and level of joy associated with that activity. Any worry is alleviated, so people can then turn their focus entirely on the pleasure they derive from that activity. This is as true for skydiving as it is for sex.
I'm often asked how to know when it is a good time to engage in sex, whether it is for the first time ever, or the first time in a relationship. The answer is reflected in your own individual values, however there are some basic guidelines that can help your decision-making process. I recommend that you're only ready for sex if you can do at least the following three things:
Talk with your partner
Talk with your partner about sex, pleasure, and your sexual histories, as this shows a caring maturity about the subject and for one another. If you can't do this together, what are you doing getting naked and intimate together?Ask someone older and wiser
For young people, you should also be able to talk with an adult about sex and sexual decision-making, whether with a parent, family member, family friend, nurse, doctor, teacher or other responsible adult. Research shows the decision to engage in sex is often the first self-perceived "adult" independent decision a young person makes. As such, you should be able to demonstrate your adult maturity by asking questions and discussing sex with an adult, finding out everything you feel you need to know before you engage in it.Protect yourself
Protect your sexual health, and your partner's, by making sure you are both engaging in safer sex.It used to be thought, and sometimes still is by those who don't know better, that protecting your sexual health meant simply avoiding pregnancy. This is not the case. Not all sexual activities run the risk of pregnancy (particularly of course when the partners are the same gender, but also activities that don't involve penile-vaginal intercourse).
But these activities may still carry sexual health risks. Others still think, "Well, if I catch something, I'll just go to the doctor and get medicine to fix it." That's an option if you happen to contract a sexually transmitted infection that can be treated, and you get symptoms so you know you have it before it does permanent damage to your body.
But the best thing to do is to prevent contracting any sexually transmitted infection in the first place, since some of them can't be cured because they are viral. Examples include genital warts, which come from being infected with the human papillomavirus (HPV).
Once you have the virus, you've got it. The same goes for herpes; it's a virus that can be managed with medication, but not cured.
And there are more serious problems that can occur from engaging in less than safe sex. Some viruses, such as HPV, are known to cause cervical cancer as well as even cancer of the vagina and vulva. So even though HPV may be harmless in some women (up to four in five sexually active women will be infected with HPV at some point in their lives), it's important to protect yourself from risks when it comes to sex.
No-one wants to engage in sex when they think it may be detrimental to their health. This is not an erotic thought for anyone. So rather than fear sex, or associate it with illness and anxiety, it's best to remove the worry by engaging in safer sex, which includes using barrier methods such as condoms and dams, and making safe choices based on your and your partner's sexual health.
Sex can be thrilling without being risky. And sex is hotter when it's healthier.
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